What She Wishes She’d Known Before the First “Hook Up”

There are so many girls that get to the dating phase without having the slightest clue on how to manage a relationship with a guy. The whole thing reminds me of the song “Sunday Morning” by No Doubt. In the chorus, Gwen Stefani sings “I thought I knew you well, so well” in this song that talks about a girl who finds out that a guy is not who she thought him to be.

Lots of women can relate to that line because as girls they entered relationships with their eyes wide shut, falling into blind “love”. Emotionally, they yearned for something along the lines of a Stevie Wonder lyric, but the relationship’s reality ran, like tears and eye shadow, into something far less beautiful. They may be unaware of it, but most of the advice on love that young women receive up to that point is toxic to a lasting relationship. Because of the way that guys perceive and approach relationships with women, there are certain scenarios that will never play to her favor.

As I was conducting research on this topic, I actually happened upon a blogger who teaches men to have multiple women as sexual partners without any objections or hassle from them. He even sells a book that encourages his readers to be completely honest about the whole thing so that it won’t be considered cheating. What kind of woman would go for that? (Certainly not my wife nor my mama!)

Strangely though, this idea has taken hold in sectors of our culture. The idea of having a “side piece”, “side chick”, or “THOT” (that ho’ over there) is widely familiar and even encouraged as a thing of merit. Statistics bear the truth that this kind of mentality has a tragic effect on relationships and even the family unit. Disease, unwanted pregnancies, absentee fathers, divorce, emotional distress, and failed relationships are some of the immediate effects of a “side-piece”. What can our sisters and daughters expect in the way of a meaningful relationship if this idea persists?

Are you woman enough to make a difference?

I’d like to hear from you. What were some of your early relationship pitfalls? Would you have done things the same way? What would you change? What advice would you have for a girl who’s ready to start down the path of dating and relationships? What do you wish you could have known before your first “hook up”?

For my daughters’ sake.


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